just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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