If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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