No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
