Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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