can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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