I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
