My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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