I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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