Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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