You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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