I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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