I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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