clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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