I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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