Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
