I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
