Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
