It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
