we made out on top of his cat.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
