she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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