Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
