Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
