The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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