i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
