My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
