News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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