sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
