So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
