so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
