I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
