I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
