my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
