I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
