Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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