my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
