using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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