Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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