Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
