mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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