I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
