Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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