that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
