Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
