Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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