Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
