glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
