dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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