I want to walk on stilts...naked
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
