drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sober January is a disaster.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
