...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
