Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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