Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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