I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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