Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
