you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
