Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
