singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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