I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
