4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The maid of honor just puked.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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